Inside my Head

Afghanistan: Common Ignorance and Misconceptions.

2009-07-16T17:12:00.001Z

This is the first time Britain has been involved in a war in Afghanistan - Wrong.

The current war in Afghanistan is actually just one of four wars that Britain has instigated there:
1842 - Britain lost.
1880 - Britain lost.
1919 - Britain lost.

Afghan women now experience greater freedom, equality and more rights than ever before - Wrong.

By the late 1980s half of all university students in communist Afghanistan were women, and women made up 40 percent of the country’s doctors, 70 percent of its teachers, and 30 percent of its civil servants. Afghan woman, Saira Noorani, a female surgeon who escaped the Taliban in 2001, described her experience as such: “Every girl could go to high school and university. We could go where we wanted and wear what we liked. We used to go to cafes and the cinema to see the latest Indian movies. It all started to go wrong when the Mujahideen started winning. They used to kill teachers and burn schools. It was sad to think that these were the people the West had supported.”

The Mujahideen (later to become the Taliban) arose as a response to the hostile invasion by the Soviet Union - Wrong.

The Mujahideen did not arise in response to a hostile Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, but rather the Soviet Union intervened at the request of the Afghan government in response to the instability being wrought by a US funded and armed insurgency. An initial $500 million was allocated by the USA, money used to arm and train the rebels in the art of insurgency in secret camps set up specifically for the task across the border in Pakistan. And so began a campaign of murder and terror which started 6 months prior to the Soviet intervention. One of the reasons why the USSR invaded Afghanistan incidentally was to combat terrorists, like US funded Osama Bin Laden.

There is no oil in Afghanistan so the war can have nothing to do with oil - Wrong.

The collapse of the Soviet Union meant that the huge deposits of crude oil located in the Caspian Basin were now up for grabs. What US and Western energy corporations required was a pipeline to transport this crude to the nearest friendly port from where it could be shipped out. Iran wasn’t an option, which left Afghanistan as the only viable alternative; with the proposed pipeline to pass through and on into Pakistan to the port of Karachi on the coast of the Arabian Sea. There still is no such pipeline, yet.

The Taliban have never been to Disneyworld - Wrong.

In 1996 not only did the Taliban go to Disneyworld, Florida, they were invited. Despite ruling a country in which women were stoned to death for adultery, in which men were tortured and had their limbs amputated for misdemeanour crimes, in which music and television was banned, in which it was illegal for girls to attend school, high-ranking representatives of the Taliban were given the red-carpet treatment, put up in a five-star hotel and even accorded a VIP visit to Disneyworld. The purpose of the trip was to discuss the construction of a pipeline with US oil companies in the state of Texas where the governor at the time was none other than future president George W. Bush. After they left it was felt that they could not be trusted (whether they is the US or the Taliban I feel matters little) and the plan for the pipeline was shelved.

The Taliban is now less popular than ever among Afghans - Wrong.

The opposite may well be true. It is important to remember that prior to the latest invasion in 2001 the Taliban was far from a secure government, it was after all fighting a civil war at the time. Indeed it is not a too great a stretch to say millions of pounds a day of UK Exchequer spending has succeeded in rescuing the Taliban from their death bed and turning them into the de facto national liberation movement in Afghanistan.

This should be read alongside this article by Socialist Unity. http://www.socialistunity.com/?p=4378

Also check out this Anti-War Coalition video: http://www.socialistunity.com/?p=4382

Oh and this transcript from a commons defence debate last week: http://www.theyworkforyou.com/whall/?id=2009-07-08a.286.1

Socialism, Opposition and Democracy.

2009-05-22T01:01:00.001Z

There is nothing bad or wrong with socialism, but I will accept that in the past cases it has failed. But in every single case there has been a common factor. Opposition. "The meaning of peace is the absence of opposition to socialism." - Marx.

Soviet Russia is a classic example. From day one there was opposition to the Bolshevik regime. The civil war, the threat from Nazi Germany, the cold war. It meant that government policy was always based around survival. The methods introduced during the civil war were key in ensuring victory, but these very meas corrupted the end. The goal was to build a socialist paradise, but by repressing the people, the only way they thought that this was achievable due to the threat from the opposition, they destroyed that very aim. "Men make their own history, but they do not make it as they please." - Marx.

And what was the cause of the opposition in the first place? The undemocratic nature through which the Bolsheviks came to power.
"Democracy is the road to socialism." - Marx.

All this highlights the essential role that democracy must play in establishing socialism. Socialism is only as bad as it's advocates. "Socialism's only weakness is it's supporters." - Orwell.

“Democracy is the wholesome and pure air without which a socialist public organization cannot live a full-blooded life.” - Mikhail Gorbachev

It's been a while

2009-02-28T00:51:00.001Z

(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/photoshops.png)

Unexplainable?

2008-10-30T03:49:00.002Z

Is Keynes the key?

2008-10-27T17:00:00.001Z

So I was wondering when, if at all, Gordon Brown would announce a rise in public spending, and last week he did just that. Of course the circumstances aren't ideal, national debt is higher than it should be already which will limit the impact, but I believe it's a step in the right direction. The Tories of course are against it - a big step by them towards fiscal conservatism - but then they're hardly going to agree with GB especially when it's so easy to make Keynesianism sound ludicrous if you word it in a certain way.

So for you who have no idea how Keynesianism works let me give you the truth before the Tories get to you.

The idea is that you decrease debt during economic booms and increase it during busts. Increasing public spending is suppose to cause the economy to recover, and would be more effective if GB hadn't let debt rise again after reducing it after 1997. Then once the economy has recovered you decrease debt.

Stumbleholic

2008-10-08T13:44:00.001Z

66%

This quiz was provided by - Match Special

So I was busy procrastinating

2008-10-01T12:55:00.002Z

So I was busy procrastinating this afternoon when I stumbled across this:
undistraction.com
Priceless!

A sign of things to come

2008-09-30T22:58:00.001Z

Democracy Doesn't Work!

2008-09-30T19:36:00.005Z

There are two fatal flaws with democracy which are particularly evident and all the more troublesome in this modern age.

Firstly there is what is commonly called "party politics". Democracy of course is based upon representative suffrage, which means that any government must first be elected in order to take power. Whoever gets the most MPs, delegates etc. wins. The politicians that the electorate votes for are ambitious people, there's little denying it, and as a result they strive to win as many seats as possible - after all it's no fun being the opposition. They want real, affective power. This is the root of the first problem. Power. They say that power corrupts, but I suggest that it is in fact the prospect of gaining or losing it that is truly corrupting. To understand what I'm getting at one must first understand what it is I mean by corruption. I'm not referring to any legally criminal act of some description, rather the corruption of democracy. Democracy is supposed to offer the people what they want. But what they get is a series of changes and suggestion of change that the politicians believe will make them popular - and remember, popularity is power. When you consider that Barack Obama and David Cameron are likely to become two of the most powerful men in the world, men of little substance and no true conviction, that feed purely off the unpopularity of current government, is it not obvious that there is a serious problem with the democratic process?

In this fight for popularity the voter is stuck with the dilemma of what party not to vote for. Take the current situation in the UK. Labour is in power and they offer, every now and then, some small changes and the the opposition, the Conservatives, offer some not so dissimilar policies and we end up with two powerful parties which are essentially the same - a restricting unprogressive middle ground. What great reform or achievement has any UK government had since the establishment of the NHS - in 50 years? Where's the variety? Where's the choice? Does it really make any difference who the voters elect?

The third party in this scenario is the Liberal Democrats. This party is the only party that currently offers a real alternative. Many Lib Dems are calling for a more representative system that would probably give them more influence and political clout. They claim that this will offer the voters with the afore mentioned alternative from the unprogressive middle ground. Though perhaps proportional representation will gain the Lib Dems more power I doubt that it will offer an alternative. As I mentioned before potential power corrupts. Why will the Lib Dems stand by their current convictions? If they are placed in a position of power why would they risk it in the search of providing the people with real policies that may be unpopular? What would set them apart from the MPs of Labour and the Tories? They will strive to preserve their power as much as the others and as a result they will resort to the same strategy of offering similar policies and attacking their oppositions. Is this lack of choice and impossibility of reform what we consider to be democracy, where nothing ever changes? Where nothing ever improves unless it is the result of a global economic boom and not government?

The second flaw is the electorate itself. The people believe that matters of government are their concern, when in fact it is not - at least not in practical theory. Members of Parliament and delegates are elected as the peoples representatives in Parliament and Congress respectively. They are chosen to make the informed decisions for the people. It's their job to understand legislation and reform in order to ensure that it's the correct action to take, so that the people don't have to. But a problem has developed, perhaps due to the growth in media, where what the people think has become too important. Again in the hunt for popularity politicians listen to the people and the people demand to be listened to. But the question must be asked why it is the people should really be listened to when it is the politicians who are the informed and make it there business to understand legislation? What does the population know of economics, foreign affairs and domestic policy etc.? A good demonstration of this was the Lisbon Treaty. In the UK many people called for a national referendum on this important EU reform. But why should it be necessary when parliament is the representative of the people elected to make exactly these kind of decisions? The people are too interfering and as a result the government is crippled by what is and isn't popular amongst the population.

The people claim that PM Gordon Brown has ruined the British economy. But when you ask them what it was exactly that he did wrong, few are able to offer an answer. Is his unpopularity justified? Congress, scared of the risk of being unpopular, rejected the $700 billion "bail-out". But what do the American people know of economics? And the media, perhaps a third problem with modern democracy, only exacerbates this.

These are the reasons that modern democracy doesn't work. This is why we are stuck in a frozen state of affairs with no reform. The most worrying thing of all though is that there may be no way out, bar some sort of catastrophic international crisis.

"If I had a nickel..."

2008-09-30T19:17:00.001Z

"If I had a quarter for every time I said I had a nickel, I would have five times as much theoretical money."
- Stephen Colbert

"These AREN'T the droids you're looking for"

2008-09-19T17:45:00.000Z

You can make your own women driver jokes here

2008-06-25T00:15:00.002Z

Gear mistake flattens sports car

Police are investigating a crash in which a £30,000 jeep ended upparked on top of two other cars, one of them a Porsche sports car worth up to £45,000.

It happened at about 1700 BST in the car park of the Co-Op supermarket on Belfast's Lisburn Road.

It is believed the female driver may have mistakenly put the automatic jeep into drive instead of reverse.

When she accelerated, the car mounted the Porsche and a Toyota Celica which were parked directly in front of her.

The Porsche Boxster was damaged on its wing and bonnet, while the Toyota Celica was crushed.

One person, believed to be the Porsche driver, was taken to hospital.

His injuries are not believed to be life-threatening

Dominic Montague, who works in a nearby coffee shop, saw the aftermath of the crash.

"I saw the woman who drove the jeep and she just looked befuddled, she couldn't really understand what was going on - which is probably understandable enough if you drove a car out over two other cars," he said.

The BBC spoke to the driver of the Toyota, but he said he was "not in the mood to give interviews".

Story from BBC NEWS:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/northern_ireland/7472490.stm

Published: 2008/06/24 22:07:53 GMT

This video is hilarious. Watch it. Watch it now!

2008-06-17T14:43:00.001Z

Man sets off Air Bag while listening to Queen!

I know it's not funny but LOL!

2008-06-16T11:12:00.002Z

(From BBC News Website)

Street sweep truck sucks up dog

A street-sweeping truck has sucked a dog up through its bristles on a New York street, leaving its horrified owner holding nothing but the lead.

Robert Machin, 57, had just
finished walking his two Boston terriers in the Bronx and was about to load them into his car when the truck appeared.

He recalls being whipped around, only to glimpse Ginger meeting her end in the sweeper's round brushes.

City sanitation officers described the dog's death as "rare and unfortunate".

But Mr Machin, a retired public transport worker, questioned whether the driver had been observing proper procedures.

The truck, he said, seemed to have been barrelling through the street at an unsafe speed.

Truck chase

"It happened so fast," he told the New York Daily News.

"It spun me around, and as it spun me around, I caught a last glimpse of her.

"I was devastated. I was completely dumbfounded and shocked. I mean, I just witnessed my dog sucked up into a street sweeper."

He said he had chased the truck for about two and a half blocks, shouting for the operator to stop.

The driver eventually came back but refused to turn off the whirring brushes that had crushed Ginger, until he arrived, the paper adds.

The Department of Sanitation offered its condolences to Mr Machin and his family but added: "It is important for all New Yorkers to remember to maintain the safety of their animals while
walking city streets."

Ginger's master who, according to the New York Daily News, plans to contact the Humane Society and hire a lawyer, said his lost dog had been like family to him.

"My children are all grown up," he said.

"These two dogs, they're my life," he added, choking back tears.

Ginger (centre) is seen here with two other dogs of her breed

Don't you just hate Americans?

2008-06-16T11:00:00.002Z

"Why people believe Americans are Stupid"

How and how not to pick a name for your baby

2008-06-16T10:33:00.002Z

Some famous photographs and events replicated in lego - Name the event/photo!

2008-06-16T10:14:00.002Z

1
2
3
4
5

Suckers

2008-04-21T21:12:00.001Z

Cyanide and Happiness (You can't have one without the other)

2008-04-21T20:33:00.002Z

French Stormtroopers?

2008-04-21T20:28:00.001Z

Oh dear. A little insensitive perhaps?

Pear Computer Inc.

2008-04-21T19:47:00.001Z

The 9 most racist disney moments

2007-12-21T22:47:00.001Z

The 9 Most Racist Disney Characters

Was your morning as bad as this guy's?

2007-12-21T18:09:00.001Z

Was your morning as bad as this guy's?

The Does-Nothing-O-Matic

2007-12-21T18:03:00.001Z

The Does-Nothing-O-Matic

Absolutely Hilarious Bathroom Mirror Prank

2007-12-02T23:04:00.001Z

http://view.break.com/384045 - Watch more free videos

Flood Maps

2007-12-02T22:46:00.001Z

This clever site uses google maps to illustrate what the world would look like if sea level rose by 1m to 14m. Live by the coast? See how much rise it would take to flood your house. It would take a 13m rise to turn the area where I live into an island.

http://flood.firetree.net

Now try to tell me there aint Republican subliminal messaging in childrens TV

2007-11-01T23:06:00.001Z

Stupid

2007-11-01T23:03:00.001Z

Things To Do When You're Bored

2007-11-01T22:58:00.002Z

Things you can do with absolutely nothing

Push your eyes for interesting light show

(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
See a variety of blobs, stars and
flashes. Try to make out things-is your subconscience trying to send you a
message? Can you control what you see by pressing different areas with
different forces? Would it be possible to somehow see the same effects on TV?

See how long you can hold your breath

(Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes)
Not that much fun, but it sure passes
the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Some
tips: hyperventilate before hand, and stay as still as possible. My
personal best is 2:00 (exactly).

Try to not think about polar bears

(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
This is especially hard, because by
trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If
you try too little, you end up thinking about polar bears anyway.

Scratch yourself

(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if
nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn't that feel pretty good?

Hurt yourself

(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
What is pain? Why is it unpleasant?
There's nothing physical about it - it's all in your mind. Plus, after
pinching yourself for awhile, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain.

Try to swallow your tongue

(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
There's not much to say about this one.
It is possible.

Look at something for awhile, shut eyes, study after image

(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
Another great time waster. It takes
about 30 seconds of staring to create an after image, and the image is then
viewable for about the same length of time. Fun to combine this one with
pushing on your eyes.

Get yourself as nauseated as possible

(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Best achieved by looking straight up
and spinning around. Try to be so dizzy you can't even stand up. This is
also entertaining due to the "makes boredom seem a lot better" effect (see
"Hurt Yourself").

Things you can do with very little

See what's in your neighbor's trash

(Amusement Potential: 20-30 minutes)
You can learn a lot about people by
what they throw out. You might uncover some dark secret about them. Plus,
they might be throwing out something with value that still works, like a VCR.

Watch TV, repeat everything said in Italian accent

(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Sort of entertaining. Fun to pretend
the people on the screen are actually talking that way.

Call up people who write editorials you disagree with

(Amusement Potential: 15-60 minutes)
I'm surprised no one has thought of
this before. Unleash your fury on the person who had the nerve to write a
letter like that! I'm pretty sure it doesn't qualify as a prank phone call,
too.

Make prank phone calls

(Amusement Potential: 20-60 minutes)
Very entertaining, but requires
discipline. Remember - vulgarities don't make a call funny, but getting the
other person to believe a ridiculous story will. Even more fun if you get a
bunch of people on the line using a Wonderphone and take turns making the
calls. One to get you started off: Call McDonalds, try to make reservations.

Pretend all humans will die except for people in room with you

(Amusement Potential: 10-20 minutes)
What would you do if this really
happened? Would the group stay together, or would there be factions? Who
would join what group? Remember, there would only be power for a few days
before the plants ran out of fuel or broke. To travel, you would always
have to be near cars to siphon gas out of. Best to do with people you know.

Step off a curb with eyes shut, imagine it's a cliff

(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
To get any benefit out of this one, you
have to have a good imagination. Don't step off immediately, build up to
the jump. Study the ravine below. Feel the winds at that altitude. Step off
and...AHHHHHH!!!!!

Burn things with a magnifying glass

(Amusement Potential: 5-30 minutes)
Ants are always fun to use for this,
but burning the face of someone you don't like, under some circumstances,
can be just as entertaining.

Things you can do with another person

Have a water drinking contest

(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
While the competition is fun, you
probably won't feel too good afterward. To give your event an old western
theme, slam the cups upside down on the tables after you have emptied them.

Stare at the back of someone's head until they turn around

(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
This works on the "I have the feeling
I'm being watched" principle. Conduct an experiment-does this really work?

Have a "Who is less competitive" competition

(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Trying to win at this will make you
lose. Trying to lose makes you win which makes you lose. Not trying at all
makes you lose which makes you win which makes you lose.

Pick up a dog so it can see things from your point of view

(Amusement Potential: 3-5 minutes)
Think about it: your dog has only seen
the house from a viewpoint from 6" to 2' high (15 to 60 cm for all you
metric fans). It's never seen the tops of counters, what you keep on your
desk, the tops of shelves, etc. Try looking at things from its point of
view, too.

Pull out a hair, stick in someone's ear

(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
Best done to sleeping people. Added
challenge in having no one else around, because then you can't blame it on
anyone else. Try to beat your record number of times before the person
catches on.

Pour water in hand, make sneeze noise, throw water on back of person's neck

(Amusement Potential: 5-15 minutes)
Always a good gag. For an even bigger
reaction out of the person, act like you're not sorry at all for what they
think you did. Comment instead on how big that sneeze was or about how
there was a lot of mucus in that one.

OS X Kitty

2007-10-18T22:06:00.001Z

esc

2007-09-13T18:45:00.001Z

(Note the preference of esc rather than Esc in the title - this is how God intended it, anything else is heracy)

Wisdom

2007-06-27T15:18:00.001Z

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is

uncopyrightable.

Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian coat
of

arms for that reason.

In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used.

All porcupines float in water.

The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when

the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground

floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

Non-dairy creamer is flammable.

When opossums are playing 'possum, they are not "playing." They
actually

pass out from sheer terror.

If we weren't ment to eat animals, how come they are made out of meat?

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

The oldest known goldfish lived to 41 years of age. Its name was Fred.

Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he

might be retarded.

The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.

A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her

coffee.

The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is.

Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.

"Kemo Sabe" means "soggy shrub" in Navajo.

Skepticisms is the longest word that alternates hands when typing.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries."

The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with

that?"

Jay Leno

I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I

wanna know your name"

Mike Binder

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five

miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know

where the hell she is.

Ellen DeGeneres

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Carol Leifer

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

--His reply

Women: You can't live with them,

and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy Nazi costume

and beat you with a warm squash.

Emo Phillips

...and always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said "A
truck!"

Emo Phillips

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.

If a man speaks in the forest, and there is no woman around to hear

him, is he still wrong?

Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll

believe you.... Tell him that a bench has wet paint upon it and he'll

have to touch it to be sure.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with

themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

My only hobby is laziness which naturally rules out all the

others.

I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile.

I tried - but they wanted cash.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most

Flush twice, its a long way to the kitchen

I feel more like I do now than I did before I got here

Hey Nike, I just did it!

Don't mess with a lady's belly button because there is a real risk her bum

will fall off

I just got lost in thought.

It was unfamiliar territory.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad

girls live.

And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S"
in it?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new,
then

there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there

must have been something before it.

* The New England Medical Journal reports that 9 out of 10 doctors

agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

* Robots in Japan pay union dues.

* The shrimp's heart is in its head.

* In the Arctic, the sun sometimes appears to be square.

* Human bones can withstand stresses of twenty-four thousand

pounds per square inch.

* The bacteria found on human skin is roughly the numerical equivalent

of all the humans on Earth.

* A cockroach can live for several weeks without its head.

* Mailing an entire building has been illegal in the U.S. since 1916

when a man mailed a 40,000-ton brick house across Utah to avoid high

freight rates.

* Mosquitoes are attracted to blue more than any other color.

* Mosquitoes have killed more people than have all the world's wars

combined.

* Elephants have been known to remain standing after they die.

* Uranus is the only planet that rotates on its side.

* In 1936, American track star Jesse Owens beat a racehorse over a

100-yard course. The horse was given a head start.

* When tea was first introduced in the American colonies, many people,

not knowing what to do with the stuff, served the tea leaves with sugar

or syrup and threw away the water they had been boiled in.

* Leonardo da Vinci spent twelve years painting the Mona Lisa's lips.

* During 18th-century France, visitors to the royal palace in

Versailles were allowed to stand in a roped-off section of the main

dining room and watch the king and queen eat.

* A lifetime supply of all the vitamins you need weighs only about

eight ounces.

* Each day is 0.00000002 seconds longer than the one before because

the Earth is gradually slowing down.

* Lies can be passed off as 'trivia' to a suprisingly large number of

people...

Email Gone Wrong

2007-06-27T14:38:00.001Z

A Sad Friend

2007-06-26T21:51:00.001Z

This is just the kind fof thing I say when I'm late for everything

2007-06-26T21:07:00.001Z

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells
"You should have been here at 8:30!"
he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"

I drve too fast to worry about cholestral

2007-06-21T22:19:00.001Z

Surprise!

2007-06-21T10:24:00.003Z

This is great

2007-06-14T15:40:00.001Z

Sucker!

2007-05-16T20:56:00.001Z

The Adams Family

2007-05-16T20:55:00.001Z

FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY

2007-05-16T20:14:00.001Z

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set

2. A day without sunshine is, like, night

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be

misquoted, then used against you.

9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

11. Remember half the people you know are below average.

12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it

remains?

13. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.

14. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the

cheese.

19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

20. I intend to live forever - so far so good.

21. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.25. The only substitute for good
manners is fast reflexes.

26. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

27. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and

going the wrong way.

28. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you

tried.

29. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of
thinking.

30. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need

it.

31. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

32. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

33. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

34. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

35. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

37. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness

of the bread.

38. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the

ability to reach it.

39. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many

is research.

40. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your

principles.

41. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

42. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

43. Two wrongs are only the beginning.

44. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

45. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch

up.

46. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

47. Change is inevitable except from vending machines.

48. Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!

49. Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.

50. Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

51. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

52. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

53. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

54. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

10 Attributes of Really Lazy People

2007-05-13T14:32:00.001Z

1. Inability to put forth the effort required to complete any task.

One Billion Clicks

2007-05-03T15:51:00.001Z

Very clever

2007-05-02T19:13:00.001Z

50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

2007-04-30T18:16:00.001Z

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other
passengers.

3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up,
dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the
elevator.
v 7. Shave.

8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got
enough air in there?"

9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours
upside-down.

10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without
getting off.

11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open,
then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask
them to call you Admiral.

14. One word: Flatulence!

15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open
until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the
bottom.

16. Do Tai Chi exercises.

17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce:
"I've got new socks on!"

18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now,
damn motion sickness!"

19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

20. Meow occassionally.

21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of
THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

29. Leave a box between the doors.

30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

32. Start a sing-along.

33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

34. Play the harmonica.

35. Shadow box.

36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

37. Lean against the button panel.

38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passengers that this is your "personal space."

41. Bring a chair along.

42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in
muh mouf?"

43. Blow spit bubbles.

44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

1 billion clicks project

2007-04-30T18:06:00.001Z

basically u have to click on a button a billion times or however much you want to contribute

www.ibclicks.com

"Hold my beer and watch this!"

2007-04-21T22:13:00.001Z

(28 May 2004, Italy) Fabio, 28, left the family ostrich business for a new
job as a truck driver. But his interests were more eclectic than the
average ostrich-farming truck driver. Relaxing one evening with friends at
a pub in Cursi, Fabio shifted the conversation to his new interest in spy
gadgets. He pulled an ordinary-looking pen out of his pocket and explained
that it was actually a single-shot pistol. To demonstrate, he pointed it at
his head and clicked the button. The cleverly disguised gadget worked
perfectly, sending a .22-caliber bullet into Fabio's left occipital lobe.

Hercules

2007-04-21T19:11:00.001Z

Hercules was recently awarded the honorable distinction of
Worlds Biggest Dog by Guinness World Records. Hercules is an
EnglishMastiff and has a 38 inch neck and weighs 282 pounds.

With "paws the size of softballs" (reports the Boston Herald), the
three-year-old monster is far larger and heavier than his breed's
standard 200lb. limit. Hercules owner Mr. Flynn says that Hercules
weight is natural and not induced by a bizarre diet: "I fed him normal
food and he just grew".... and grew... and grew... and grew.

Children on the qustion of marriage

2007-03-14T17:11:00.001Z

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you
like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should
keep the chips and dip coming.

Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going
to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later
who you’re stuck with.

Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.

Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.

- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.

Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don’t want any more kids.

Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to
know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long
enough.

Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

Martin, age 10 (Who said boys don’t have brains)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.

Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they’re rich.

Pam, age 7 (I could not have said it better myself)

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.

Curt, age 7 (Good point)

(3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should
marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.

Howard, age 8 (Who made that rule?)

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

(1) I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m
never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed
out.

Theodore, age 8 (Too much detail for his age)

(2) It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.

Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?

Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favourite is…

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.

Utter Genius

2007-03-14T17:00:00.001Z

Best Quote of 2006

2007-03-14T16:55:00.001Z

"You know the world is going crazy when the best
rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in
the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing
the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three
most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.
Chris Rock

Die!

2007-02-20T22:03:00.001Z

lol

2007-02-19T23:52:00.001Z

Civilization Rocks!

2007-02-18T23:27:00.001Z

Communist Party

2007-02-18T23:22:00.001Z

Is Google God?

2007-02-18T12:46:00.001Z

The Church of Google

Happy Valentine's Day?

2007-02-15T19:11:00.001Z

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm

2007-02-15T18:11:00.001Z

How much bandwidth do you think that would take up?

2007-02-14T22:51:00.001Z

Do you agree?

2007-02-14T17:20:00.001Z

"If the Arabs put down their weapons today there would be no more violence. If the Israelis put down their weapons today there would be no more Israel.

Think about it..."

- Annonymous Quote

Do you agree? Have your say by leaving a comment v

There's an elephant in the way

2007-02-13T20:45:00.001Z

Very Ironic

2007-02-13T20:41:00.001Z

Some sites you should definitely check out

2007-02-11T19:49:00.001Z

Now most of these, if not all of these, sites are in my Links section but I thought I'd tell you a little bit more about them because they're definitely worth visiting.

Angry Alien Productions

This site is truly brilliant. It consists of cartoons of famous movies shortened down to just 30 seconds, but the best bit is that it's all played out by cartoon bunnies.

I rate this site as 4.5 out of 5

Apple or Apple UK

Apple make the best computers and OS in the world. You should check the Get a Mac section out in perticular. This consists of some great funny ads which have been very popular on the web and on the TV in the US, Japan and soon to be in the UK. Incidentally the UK version of these ads is done by the great Mitchell and Webb who are hillarious - Get a Mac ads by Mitchell and Webb. If you don't have the latest version of quicktime then they can all be viewed on youtube.

I rate this site as 4.5 out of 5

Operation Black Widow

Operation Black Widow is a psychological experiment consisting of observing the behaviour of the "Subject" in the company of the "Female". Now this has a great idea behind it and I can't blame anyone in perticular for it's failure Nathan. This is probably the least worth while in the entire list.

I rate this site as 2.5 out of 5

StumbleUpon

StumbleUpon is the ultimate web tool for all internet junkies, like myself. You simply say what you're into and StumbleUpon put a plug-in on your browser. Click on it and it will give you a web page that someone with similar interests as you has recommended. Real Stumbleing die hards spend hours using this every day. Brilliant.

I rate this site/tool as 5 out of 5

Top of the Pods

Top of the Pods is a great podcast produced by two lads from Peterborough, Jon and Rob. Listeners send in their top ten lists and then and then they announce each item and usually then stray off of the subject onto something that is completely irrelevant. This just makes it even better though. It's very well produced and very funny. One of the few podcasts that I've found that is worth subscribing to.

I rate this site/podcast as 5 out of 5

War on DHMO

War on dihydrogen monoxide is very simple and interesting. It's a campaign against this highly dangerous, and unrestricted, chemical.

I rate this site as 3 out of 5

Wikipedia

This is one of the most useful websites on the internet. Whenever you have a question about anything Wikipedia will have the answer. It's an online encyclopedia with well over 1.5 million articles which can be edited by anyone to ensure that it's as update and accurate as possible. It's also one of the greatest homework solutions out there, if you know what I mean.

I rate this site as 5 out of 5

Youtube

If you don't know what youtube is then you've obviously been sitting in a cave on Mars with your fingers in your ears and blindfolded whilst humming to yourself. Or maybe you live in Brazil or Iran where it has been banned. It may also be banned in India soon. Anyways I'm not gonna pactronise you. I know that you know that it's great.

I rate this site as 4.9 out of 5

Have your say by clicking on comments and leaving one v

Don't do it!

2007-02-11T18:20:00.001Z

I was walking across a bridge one day, and
I saw a man standing on the edge, about to
jump off. So I ran over and said "Stop! Don't
do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. "Well,
there's so much to live for!" "Like what?"
"Well... are you religious?" He said yes.
I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"
"Christian." "Me too! Are you Catholic or
Protestant ? "Protestant." "Me too! Are you
Episcopalian or Baptist?" "Baptist" "Wow!
Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or
Baptist Church of the Lord?" "Baptist Church
of God!" "Me too! Are you original Baptist
Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist
Church of God?" "Reformed Baptist Church
of God!" "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist
Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed
Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God,
reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic
scum", and pushed him off.

- Emo Philips

Here ya go

2007-02-11T18:15:00.001Z

At the airport they asked me if anybody I
didn’t know gave me anything. Even the people
I know don’t give me anything.

- George Wallace

Bye bye

2007-02-11T18:12:00.001Z

When I went to college, my parents threw
a going away party for me, according to the
letter.

- Emo Philips (LOL, Emo)

I like this one

2007-02-11T18:11:00.003Z

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells
"You should have been here at 8:30!"
he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"

Woof! Woof!

2007-02-11T18:11:00.001Z

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to
a talent scount. "This dog can speak
English," he claims to the unimpressed
agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys
says to the dog, "what’s on the top
of a house?" "Roof!" the dog
replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent
agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’."
"No, wait," the guy says. He asks
the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?"
"Rough!" the dog answers. The talent
agent gives a condescending blank stare.
He is losing his patience. "No, hang
on," the guy says. "This one will
amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog:
"Who, in your opinion, was the greatest
baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!"
goes the dog. And the talent scount, having
seen enough, boots them out of his office
onto the street. And the dog turns to the
guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"

Stick 'em up

2007-02-11T18:06:00.001Z

Two guys are walking down the street when
a mugger approaches them and demands their
money. They both grudgingly pull out their
wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then one guy turns to the other and
hands him a bill. "Here’s that $20 I
owe you," he says.

24 hours?

2007-02-11T18:05:00.001Z

Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When
I got there, the guy was locking the front
door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're
open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!"

- Steven Wright

Watch your money, not your health

2007-02-11T18:04:00.001Z

My grandfather always said, "Don't watch
your money; watch your health." So one day
while I was watching my health, someone stole
my money. It was my grandfather.

- Jackie Mason

So I've had the idea of publishing more jokes

2007-02-11T18:03:00.001Z

Jokes, I've got piles. That's why I'm not a sit-down comedian.

-Johnobrow

Maybe it's about time I got some sleep

2007-02-11T17:36:00.001Z

Shut Down The Internet

2007-02-10T21:16:00.001Z

Screen Cleaner

2007-02-10T21:00:00.001Z

Click Here

Squirrel Wars

2007-02-10T20:49:00.001Z

O The Joy of Tech

2007-02-10T16:24:00.000Z

Answer Machine Messages

2007-02-09T23:48:00.000Z

WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. But
we're not home right now. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll assimilate you later.

Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in
the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done... (Cachunk!)

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain
silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

Hello, this is KVKE, you're on the air. (or) Hello, you're caller
number nine!

(Very fast:) Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message,
please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound,
press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your
name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name
and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star
twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and (BEEP)

'Ello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Leave your
name and number, and prepare to die.

This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your
name and number, and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is
"supercilious".

Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We
know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my
brain. Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape, one of them
will get back to you.

I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel
stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by
leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.

Thank you for calling the CSU Automated Hearing Test Line. Prepare
for Test 1. Is this tone louder in your left ear or right ear? ... BEEP

(Rod Serling imitation:) You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a
world without time, where sound collides with color and shadows explode. You see a
signpost up ahead -- this is no ordinary telephone answering device... You have reached,
"The Twilight Phone".

Thank you for calling 434-2322. If you wish to speak to Tim, push
1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone
phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this
button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes
us feel like we have a big time phone system.

(In a bored voice:) Heaven, God speaking...

Lucifer speaking. Who in hell do you want?

Thank you for calling the Metropolitan Church of the Holy Bible.
Today's commandment is Number 6, Thou shalt not... er... Bear a... er... Shalt not witness
thy... uh... Neighbor's, Oh, I mean, false... er... Shalt not commit a bear... Dern...

This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast
System. This is only a test.

I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come
to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm
doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like,
when you're listening to it... I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.

(Recorded directly from AT&--------T:) We're sorry, but the
number you dialed is disconnected or no longer in service.

Hi, you've reached 340-2359. We're not peeb eht retfa egassem ruoy
evael esaelp os ,won thgir emoh. gnillac rof uoy knahT.

The number you have reached, 226-0477, has been changed. The new
number is 226-0477. Please make a note of it.

You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice
patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our
computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal
and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff
of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the
benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak
clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.

(Klingon voice:) ANSWERING MACHINE. SPEAK.

You have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a
message after the beep.

Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I die
before I wake, Remember to erase the tape.

Hello, this is Sid. I've got a puppy in one hand and a Smith &
Wesson .38 in the other. Leave a message or the puppy gets it.

My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll
leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone
right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and
down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're
done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why
we're not here. So leave a message.

Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the
money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution,
you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a
female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly
the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper,
with Dale in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at incredible speeds! Will he make it
in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a
message.

Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

I'm sorry, the number you have reached is imaginary. Please rotate
your phone 90 degrees and dial again.

And some more

2007-02-07T22:32:00.000Z

The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.

Spain literally means 'the land of rabbits.

On 15 April 1912 the SS Titanic sunk on her maiden voyage and over 1,500 people
died. Fourteen years earlier a novel was published by Morgan Robertson which
seemed to foretell the disaster. The book described a ship the same size as the
Titanic which crashes into an iceberg on its maiden voyage on a misty April
night. The name of Robertson's fictional ship was the Titan.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los
Angeles de Porciuncula"-and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size:
"L.A."

People say, "Bless you" when you
sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a
millisecond. If you sneeze too hard,
you can fracture a rib. If you try to
suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.

Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a
version of Alphabetic Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted
solely of little pasta swastikas.

The "sixth
sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister
in the English language.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one
row of the keyboard.

What do 100% of all lottery winners do?

-- Gain weight.

If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would
find the letter "A"?

-- One thousand

Married men revealed that they do this twice as often as single men.

-- Change their underwear.

3.9% of all women surveyed say they never do this.

-- Wear underwear.

What common everyday occurrence is composed of 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen and
9% dioxide?

-- A fart.

What common everyday occurrence is composed of 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen and 9% dioxide?
-- A fart.

Little Known Facts

Some fascinating facts

2007-02-07T22:11:00.000Z

Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has
about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the
twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize
what is occurring, relax and correct itself. (How did they study this?)

The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in W.W.II killed the only
elephant in the Berlin zoo.

Men get hiccups more often than women.

Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better than men.

The percentage of American men who say they would wed the same woman if they
had to do it all over again: 80%. The percentage of women who say they would wed
the same man if they had to do it all over again: 50%

Percentage of men who say the are happier after a divorce or separation: 58%

Percentage of women who say they are happier after a divorce or separation: 85%

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already
married.

7% of Americans will eat McDonalds today - Is that all?

The chances that a burglary in the US will be solved: 1 in 7.

The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China - How the hell did this happen? Actually don't answer that.

According to Genesis 1:20-22, the chicken came before the egg.

20
And God said, Let the ^awaters ^bbring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and ^cfowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.

21
And God created ^agreat
whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought
forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his
kind: and God saw that it was good.

22
And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and ^amultiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.

One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the
30s lobbied against hemp farmers -- they saw it as competition. It is not
chemically addictive as is nicotine, alcohol, or caffeine.

Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.

Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without
killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get
fired."

Make Google go crazy

2007-02-07T21:37:00.000Z

Here's what you need to do to make Google go crazy:

Go to Google.com
Remove everything from the address bar, then copy & paste the following into it:

javascript:R=0; x1=.1; y1=.05; x2=.25; y2=.24; x3=1.6; y3=.24; x4=300;
y4=200; x5=300; y5=200; DI=document.images; DIL=DI.length; function
A(){for(i=0; i-DIL; i++){DIS=DI[ i ].style; DIS.position='absolute';
DIS.left=Math.sin(R*x1+i*x2+x3)*x4+x5;
DIS.top=Math.cos(R*y1+i*y2+y3)*y4+y5}R++}setInterval('A()',5); void(0);
Hit enter. Enjoy.

You can tell this aint gonna end well

2007-02-07T21:33:00.000Z

Things That Make You Say, Aw Bummer

Hi Steven

2007-01-24T19:07:00.000Z

This is funny in a horrible sort of way

2007-01-24T19:06:00.000Z

This is nut but totally serious

2007-01-20T21:16:00.000Z

They're even making a documentary on it, apparently.

eBay Australia: New Life for Sale!! (item 110078904033, end time 23-Jan-07 15:11:00 AEDST)

Poor. poor Kermit

2007-01-20T20:50:00.000Z

BBC News interviews the wrong guy

2007-01-20T20:45:00.000Z

This guy went for an interview for a job and ended up being interviewed on live T.V. about Apple. Shame he didn't get the job though, I'd have hired him, he deals with this really well but just look at the look on his face. It's classic.

Super Bunny to the rescue!

2007-01-20T20:32:00.000Z

This rabbit is either very brave or very stupid. Fantastic video.

Hase gegen Schlange | chilloutzone.de - free games and free fun

Spinning Pencil Tricks

2007-01-20T20:27:00.000Z

I tried but I'm hopeless

Learn To Spin A Pencil - video powered by Metacafe

Only in the U.S.A.

2007-01-20T20:15:00.000Z

iPhone

2007-01-17T15:12:00.000Z

iPhone!

Just follow the link

2006-12-29T01:08:00.000Z

go on ya no ya wanna: http://www.thevideosense.com/user/johnobrow/

Please!

2006-12-12T21:38:00.000Z

Do me and yourself a favour and click on the link and complete the instructions. If you make the right decision and do then you will have the chance to receive an pod, laptop or imac. Please note that this is not a con in any way whatsoever.

Click Here

Stop Motion Battle

2006-12-05T21:23:00.000Z

This has got to be some of the best stop motion i've seen in a while

Go on I dare ya!

2006-12-04T20:03:00.000Z

DO NOT PUSH THIS BUTTON

Top 10 woman drivers of the year

2006-11-29T21:42:00.000Z

Men Women Gender jokes - Funtoosh.com

That's one hell of a tall giraffe

2006-11-29T21:20:00.000Z

Bat Out of Hell

2006-11-29T17:44:00.000Z

Provided by Smellybean.com

I see what they did there

2006-11-29T16:16:00.001Z

http://edu-saver.com/images/savers/faces.jpg

Did he?

2006-11-29T16:16:00.000Z

An honest mistake or a clever bit of marketing?