Wisdom

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.



The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is


uncopyrightable.

Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian coat
of

arms for that reason.

In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.



The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used.



All porcupines float in water.



The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when


the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground

floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.



Non-dairy creamer is flammable.

When opossums are playing 'possum, they are not "playing." They
actually

pass out from sheer terror.



If we weren't ment to eat animals, how come they are made out of meat?

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

The oldest known goldfish lived to 41 years of age. Its name was Fred.

Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he

might be retarded.

The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.

A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her

coffee.

The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is.

Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.

"Kemo Sabe" means "soggy shrub" in Navajo.

Skepticisms is the longest word that alternates hands when typing.



I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries."

The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with

that?"

Jay Leno

I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I

wanna know your name"

Mike Binder

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five

miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know

where the hell she is.

Ellen DeGeneres

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Carol Leifer

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

--His reply

Women: You can't live with them,

and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy Nazi costume

and beat you with a warm squash.

Emo Phillips

...and always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said "A
truck!"

Emo Phillips

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.

If a man speaks in the forest, and there is no woman around to hear

him, is he still wrong?

Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll

believe you.... Tell him that a bench has wet paint upon it and he'll

have to touch it to be sure.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with

themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

My only hobby is laziness which naturally rules out all the

others.

I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile.

I tried - but they wanted cash.



Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most



Flush twice, its a long way to the kitchen



I feel more like I do now than I did before I got here

Hey Nike, I just did it!



Don't mess with a lady's belly button because there is a real risk her bum


will fall off



I just got lost in thought.

It was unfamiliar territory.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad

girls live.

And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S"
in it?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?



When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new,
then

there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there

must have been something before it.

* The New England Medical Journal reports that 9 out of 10 doctors

agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

* Robots in Japan pay union dues.

* The shrimp's heart is in its head.

* In the Arctic, the sun sometimes appears to be square.

* Human bones can withstand stresses of twenty-four thousand

pounds per square inch.

* The bacteria found on human skin is roughly the numerical equivalent

of all the humans on Earth.

* A cockroach can live for several weeks without its head.

* Mailing an entire building has been illegal in the U.S. since 1916

when a man mailed a 40,000-ton brick house across Utah to avoid high

freight rates.

* Mosquitoes are attracted to blue more than any other color.

* Mosquitoes have killed more people than have all the world's wars

combined.

* Elephants have been known to remain standing after they die.

* Uranus is the only planet that rotates on its side.

* In 1936, American track star Jesse Owens beat a racehorse over a

100-yard course. The horse was given a head start.

* When tea was first introduced in the American colonies, many people,

not knowing what to do with the stuff, served the tea leaves with sugar

or syrup and threw away the water they had been boiled in.

* Leonardo da Vinci spent twelve years painting the Mona Lisa's lips.

* During 18th-century France, visitors to the royal palace in

Versailles were allowed to stand in a roped-off section of the main

dining room and watch the king and queen eat.

* A lifetime supply of all the vitamins you need weighs only about

eight ounces.

* Each day is 0.00000002 seconds longer than the one before because

the Earth is gradually slowing down.

* Lies can be passed off as 'trivia' to a suprisingly large number of

people...